Why do most people get defeated?

we have all had the moments where we turn that newspaper page and have seen someone become famous, successful or renowned overnight. on the flip side, we have all had at least one time in our lives where there has been a failure. a massive one. one that has wrecked our relationships, where we have lost our jobs, where we have undergone financial losses or anything that has had an importance in your life. now here's the thing, have you ever wondered why certain people stumble and certain people dont? its because we choose to believe that there is always just one giant event that is responsible for success or failure. what we do not realize is behind every giant event there have been steps leading up to that event. for the people who have become "successfull overnight", talking to them about something as simple as how they spend their day will tell you that there are steps they have followed diligently for months maybe even years that has led to the event that has made them successful overnight. lets think about this for a minute. what could they have possibly done to make this giant event happen? they made a change in their minds. the basic building block of any successful idea that gets turned into a reality is that it needs to take a definitive shape in your mind. without the thought of success, failure is inevitable. some of the things that people do wrong that do not let them emulate the successful people is not keep track of the little events that can eventually lead to the outcome. for instance lets take a relationship that has failed. you may blame it on the last big blow out fight that happened, or the infedility, or the lying. but stop and think about this, before that giant event happened, what are the little things that were not done in the relationship? what are the little things that went wrong? the white lies? the forgetting to tell them you love them? the not calling them and telling them you'll be home late? all these little things eventually start building up in a relationship and that causes immense amounts of friction. think of each little thing that you have not done in your relationship as an elephant in the room. if you are going to fill the room up with elephants, everybody will get suffocated. and the thing is that nobody focuses on the little things, its always the big event that has caused our fall. the problem with us then, why most people cannot get up, brush themselves off and try again is because we as human beings have a tendency to see things as worse than they are. did you know in a survey conducted between optimists and pessimists about their skills, the pessimists were upto 10 times more accurate than the optimists who overestimated their skills. but the optimists proved to be harder workers as thats where they saw themselves and were striving to reach the place that we thought they were at. so, the basic thing to do is first identify the little areas that have gone wrong and make it a ritual to rectify them. write yourself a post-it, chant it as a mantra, make a little video and watch it every night, whatever seems to make it easiest to adopt it into your life. the second thing to do is, in case of a failure, STOP SEEING THINGS WORSE THAN THEY ARE! ask yourself, okay so i have failed at something, what's the worst that can happen now? more often than not, people are afraid of what they do not know. removing that fear by thinking about the worst case scenarios, makes it easier to deal with becuase you are mentally prepared. the easiest thing to do after that is to pick up and try to salvage the situation. here are a few pointers to make a change in your life and avoid the pitfalls that most people face: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. have a vision of what you want your life to be like and then consistently make small tweaks everyday and follow them through to make a lasting change. make sure your vision is positive though and the rewards are worth it, because pushing yourself to do something needs willpower. a reward will pull you through every time you falter. 2. its not enough to have a vision in your mind and then not know how to get there. review your ideal life, find the reality of your situation and then try to assess how far you are form reaching your reward. having a clear picture of the amount of work that needs to be done hepls you prepare better, and work more efficiently toward your goal. 3. create a ladder. this one is my personal favourite, because i always think its easier to jump a 2 foot hole than a 100 foot abyss. the thing about breaking down your ultimate goal into smaller goals is that each becomes more achievable, and each one that is achieved, will give you a sense of victory, further PULLING you to your goal, as opposed to you pushing yourself to keep moving. 4. the thing is though no matter how much the reward is something that you want, or how motivated you are, we all stumble. mistakes happen, and everyone has off days. the thing to keep you going at this time is to have a strong enough reason to drive you. while the reward may not be sufficient, the reason thats driving you, coupled with the ultimate goal should keep you going through your off-phase. 5. the final thing to do is to review where you are at intervals, see if you are any closer to your goal than you started out. take time to pat yourself on the back when you have accomplished something, keep the positivity going and take the time to see if you are on track or if you need to change your plan of action. "success is most often achieved by those who do not know that failure is inevitable"- Coco Chanel. .--N