Why do most people get defeated?

we have all had the moments where we turn that newspaper page and have seen someone become famous, successful or renowned overnight. on the flip side, we have all had at least one time in our lives where there has been a failure. a massive one. one that has wrecked our relationships, where we have lost our jobs, where we have undergone financial losses or anything that has had an importance in your life. now here's the thing, have you ever wondered why certain people stumble and certain people dont? its because we choose to believe that there is always just one giant event that is responsible for success or failure. what we do not realize is behind every giant event there have been steps leading up to that event. for the people who have become "successfull overnight", talking to them about something as simple as how they spend their day will tell you that there are steps they have followed diligently for months maybe even years that has led to the event that has made them successful overnight. lets think about this for a minute. what could they have possibly done to make this giant event happen? they made a change in their minds. the basic building block of any successful idea that gets turned into a reality is that it needs to take a definitive shape in your mind. without the thought of success, failure is inevitable. some of the things that people do wrong that do not let them emulate the successful people is not keep track of the little events that can eventually lead to the outcome. for instance lets take a relationship that has failed. you may blame it on the last big blow out fight that happened, or the infedility, or the lying. but stop and think about this, before that giant event happened, what are the little things that were not done in the relationship? what are the little things that went wrong? the white lies? the forgetting to tell them you love them? the not calling them and telling them you'll be home late? all these little things eventually start building up in a relationship and that causes immense amounts of friction. think of each little thing that you have not done in your relationship as an elephant in the room. if you are going to fill the room up with elephants, everybody will get suffocated. and the thing is that nobody focuses on the little things, its always the big event that has caused our fall. the problem with us then, why most people cannot get up, brush themselves off and try again is because we as human beings have a tendency to see things as worse than they are. did you know in a survey conducted between optimists and pessimists about their skills, the pessimists were upto 10 times more accurate than the optimists who overestimated their skills. but the optimists proved to be harder workers as thats where they saw themselves and were striving to reach the place that we thought they were at. so, the basic thing to do is first identify the little areas that have gone wrong and make it a ritual to rectify them. write yourself a post-it, chant it as a mantra, make a little video and watch it every night, whatever seems to make it easiest to adopt it into your life. the second thing to do is, in case of a failure, STOP SEEING THINGS WORSE THAN THEY ARE! ask yourself, okay so i have failed at something, what's the worst that can happen now? more often than not, people are afraid of what they do not know. removing that fear by thinking about the worst case scenarios, makes it easier to deal with becuase you are mentally prepared. the easiest thing to do after that is to pick up and try to salvage the situation. here are a few pointers to make a change in your life and avoid the pitfalls that most people face: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. have a vision of what you want your life to be like and then consistently make small tweaks everyday and follow them through to make a lasting change. make sure your vision is positive though and the rewards are worth it, because pushing yourself to do something needs willpower. a reward will pull you through every time you falter. 2. its not enough to have a vision in your mind and then not know how to get there. review your ideal life, find the reality of your situation and then try to assess how far you are form reaching your reward. having a clear picture of the amount of work that needs to be done hepls you prepare better, and work more efficiently toward your goal. 3. create a ladder. this one is my personal favourite, because i always think its easier to jump a 2 foot hole than a 100 foot abyss. the thing about breaking down your ultimate goal into smaller goals is that each becomes more achievable, and each one that is achieved, will give you a sense of victory, further PULLING you to your goal, as opposed to you pushing yourself to keep moving. 4. the thing is though no matter how much the reward is something that you want, or how motivated you are, we all stumble. mistakes happen, and everyone has off days. the thing to keep you going at this time is to have a strong enough reason to drive you. while the reward may not be sufficient, the reason thats driving you, coupled with the ultimate goal should keep you going through your off-phase. 5. the final thing to do is to review where you are at intervals, see if you are any closer to your goal than you started out. take time to pat yourself on the back when you have accomplished something, keep the positivity going and take the time to see if you are on track or if you need to change your plan of action. "success is most often achieved by those who do not know that failure is inevitable"- Coco Chanel. .--N

affirmations - a new age western mantra

Affirmations, really, are simple. They are you being in conscious control of your thoughts. They are short, powerful statements. When you say them or think them or even hear them, they become the thoughts that create your reality. Affirmations, then, are your conscious thoughts. Since affirmations are injunctions given to the subconscious mind perhaps we should briefly review a few facts. The subconscious is totally undiscriminating. i can think of one popular adjective to describe it - 'PROMISCOUS'. In other words, the subconscious welcomes every happenstance, every impression, every realization that rings its doorbell. The subconscious will not think over, think through or think twice - because it can't. How many of the following messages (or similar ones) have you been sending yourself lately? -I hate my body. -Just my rotten luck. -Back to the old grind on Monday. -How come I only meet losers? -It's going to be one of those days. -Why bother. -I've always been shy / stubborn / jealous / cynical / lazy / bad at math /unorganized / passive etc. All of the above can constrict or even checkmate personal growth. What is your favorite self-putdown? Affirmation should never accommodate denial. We have to forsake old credos before reaffirming new-fashioned ones. what this means to say is that it is pointless to affirm that "i am in a state of abundant health" when you have a headache that wont go away, or that "i am not stressed out" if your body is showing signs of wear and tear due to stress related issues. the basic point of the previous statement is that affirmations are only useful when the basic issue has been diagnosed and you have at some level understood it and had a way to deal with the negativity associated with it. affirmations are just a powerful way of changing your thought process from being negative to positive. but this cannot happen if there is latent hostility or pain still invloved with the thought process that is being changed. methodology: ------------------------------ there is a particular way to write down affirmations. for instance for a person suffering from bad health, the affirmation "i will not get sick anymore" is the worst possible one to have. this repeats the word sick so many times that it gets imbibed in thesubconscious. the affirmation "my health is good, and wellness is my birthright" would be a better affirmation as it does not concentrate on being ill, rather it focuses on the positive aspects of good health and well being. but here's the catch. if you are going to affirm something for 5 minutes in a day, and then spend the rest of your day being cynical, negative and otherwise negating your thoughts, then it defeats the purpose. the key to affirmations is REPETITION. i hope this helped. if there is any particular subject you would like me to discuss, then please comment below and i will incorporate it. have a great affirmation! .--N

do you have a life of reasons or results?

the main reason that people feel like they are not able to achieve anough is because of the fact that they have more wants than they do results at any given point in their lives. think of your life as a to-do list. it annoys us all when we have more on the to-do side then we have checked off. and the thing is that somehow, there seems to be more and more added on to the list that needs to be done than oyu actually end up accomplishing. does it ever feel like 24 hours in the day are never enough to accomplish what you want to and go to bed satisfied? does it ever feel like there are things that people ask of you that you simply cannot make time for? this is a life of reasons. we as humans try to make a reason for everything. why do we not have time? we work too hard. why cant we spend time with family? we are too tired after a long day. why cant we seem to balance a social life? there is just not enough time in the day. the thing that you need to think about though is whether the reasons are more important to you and your belief system than sesults. DO YOU WANT TO BE LIVING ON REASONS OR RESULTS? a belief is the best explanation that you have to a given situation. there is a story that we make in our hrads when we try to connect all the things that we believe are happening to us so that we end up with a reason that is stopping us from achieveing our goals. for example, your stressed out and you so not have time to unwind with family, whats the reason we have, we are over worked. where did that belief come from? here is the fact, we do not have effective time management, so we are not able to finish the work that is assigned to us, ergo your boss tells you you are not performing up to par. this makes you think that you have to work harder and not smarter, and so you put in more hours( even though this is not what your boss is asking you for) and there is the story that you make in your head that leads to the reason that you cannot spend too much time with your family because you are overworked. breaking these beliefs is the key to having a life filled with results and not reasons why you cannot have anything that you set your mind to. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein .--N

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!

i'm guessing we've all heard this tired old line "is this how you behave! you need an attitude adjustment young missy!!". now more often than not that's probably because they want us to behave a ceratin way and do something according to their standards. but then more often than not we do not follow it because its not "our way", not the way that we do things. or is it? the thing is that the reason that we are a certain way or think that there is a certain way that we do things comes from a basic inflexible attitude. and the fact is that this is actually taught to us( i know what your thinking, HA! mom dad told you so right?). we have been taught all our lives to be determined, and always think that we can do it and we must succeed. but that's where the problem begins. using absolutes in your language like "i must" or "i always" or "i never", makes it an absolute goal in your mind, where there is no room for possibilities other than the set outcome. there is no room to salvage a situation and to try an alterantive method when the plan looks like its failing( depressing i know!). but imagine if you were to give your mind room for possibilities, if there was a thought in your head that you can salvage a situation and that all you need to do is alter the plan. this can start with a very simple methodology. instead of saying "i must" think of it as "i want to" or "i choose to". that way there is always a possibility to turn things around. by choosing it, you make it such that you can always alter what you choose depending on if it is beneficial to you or not. by creating this language of possibilities, we can change our whole mindset. imagine all the things that you can achieve! all just by changing the words we use. language is a powerful tool. it can make or break something, give an idea an identity and a definition in your mind and generally determins the amount of stress you are under. think of how less stressed out you would be if you knew that you could salvage almost any situation, if you knew that you could just alter your plan of action and still achieve the end result. THAT would be the ultimate attitude adjustment that anyone needs. “Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” ? Mahatma Gandhi .--N

reverse psychology on your body

this is a fun fact i came across on the internet. have you ever seen a person walking around with slouched shoulders, feet dragging and head hung and thought "hey! there's a happy person!"? i think its safe to say that we havent. the thing is that there seems to be a lot of truth in the statement that more than 50% of what we communicate is through body language and facial gestures. in almost all cases a persons body language is indicative of their mood, confidence levels and level of contentment. similar to that you can always tell a fun and cheerful, confident person by the jut of the chin, the content smile and the chest held high. more often than not, you will notice that these are the kind of people that are capable of effortlessly turning heads when they walk in to a room. these are the kind of people that people love to make place for in their circle, and these are the people who can command your attention when they talk. but here's the BIG question : on bad days, and i mean REALLY BAD (you know the kind where you want to flip the bird to everyone, everyone seems to annoy you and you want to rip your hair out and scream) how do you command the same attention? im surprised that i din realize this till i read it on the internet (all hail the internet gods, they teach me something everyday!) is that your mood reflecting in your body language is not a one-way street!! if your body unconsciously reacts to your state of mind, it proves that its your bodys way of expressing without words. but then logically altering your body language should put you in a different state of mind. try to think of all the things that you could do if changing your body language could put you in a different mood? and *drumroll please* you have the answer! studies have proven that adjusting your body language, alters your frame of mind as your mind tried to assimilate what you are trying to communicate. try this, the next time your really low, plant a big, goofy smile on your face and stare at yourself, you should be laughing soon. now here's the problem. what you are doing is basically trying to trick your mind into being the way you want it to be, but the human brain seems smarter. if you do not cement this mood in then chances are that you will revert to your previous frame of mind within 50 minutes. so how do you cement it? the key to that is having a conversation. having a conversation while your brain is confused into believeing that you are happy and confident( or if you are a weirdo then depressed and moody) will cement that mood in your head, because it is reinforced in the way that the other person is reacting to you. et voila! there's your mood fix (sans the crazy mood swinging meds) for that blue day when you have a date or an interview or you just want to feel special! .--N

what little voice in my head?

has anyone ever told you to listen to that little voice inside your head? and then you wonder "what little voice inside my head??". thats the voice that i wrote this note for. we all have that little voice in our heads, the one that analyses, makes snide comments even if we do not say it out loud, and the one that laughs even if we dont crack a smile! try this: sit for two minutes in a silent room and try not to think of anything! chances are within the fisrst 30 seconds there will be that voce in your head saying things like "this is silly!", or "i could be doing something useful right now", or "i want a burger!!". now more often than not this a constant chatter in the background with your mind trying to process things and to put it in a way that appeals to your way of thinking. its also a very useful tool, becuase it can tell you how you really feel about something even if you cannot express it. but the problem comes in when your inner voice becomes negative. has this ever happened to you: you have told someone something that you really want to do and they have said something like "that's stupid!" or "you cant do that! that's ridiculous!!". when someone makes a negative comment like that and it sticks in your mind, thats when the little voice in your head becomes negative. it takes that comment and sets off one of the thousands of reels in your mind, one that involves you failing or one that involves you being ridiculed, anything that causes you to believe that you are incapable of doing what you set out to do. for me personally the thing that gets to me and that annoying voice in my head is the line "you're so small! what can you do??" (let me suppliment this by saying im all of 5'4" and very slight of build, also dead clumsy! i walk into objects on a semi regular basis). now do you really want to let go of something that you set out to do because someone said something negative? (you crash and burn on your own, then quit, i get it! but because someone said "oh haha you think you can do that?" you quit? WEIRD!) the thing to do when that happens is to first IDENTIFY the phrase that got to you. identifying what hurts you and causes you doubt means that you can fix it. simple yes? just think of the moment someone said something and in your head you were punching the living daylights out of them. repeat the phrase or the word that got to you and test out if its really what got you all riled up! the second thing to do after you have identified the phrase(its easy to know because you will be fuming mad by this point) is to repeat the phrase in SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS voice (if you dont know who that is you have had a pretty crappy childhood!) or any cartoon characters voice that you think is funny. notice how it does not sound so bad anymore, in fact how can you take anything that spongebob says seriously?? after you do this, really softly say the phrase that annoyed you in your voice and then repeat it really loud, and i mean REALLY loud in spongebobs( or whoever's voice). this will help cement in your head how ridiculous the phrase is till your inner voice is laughing with you! et voila!! your annoying little voice is now a POSITIVE annoying little voice (hey! i never said i would make it go away!), but then, thats probably better than the original demotivating one you had. so cheers, i hope you have a fun new little voice! “In other words, it was a struggle with himself. And the product of that struggle: anger, bitterness, resentment, envy or transformation, aspiration, hope, decency..the product of that struggle is the quality of your life and the nature of your soul.” ? Emma Forrest, Your Voice in My Head --N

why do we have ordinary lives?

i think the biggest reason that we are all dissatisfied is that we all live ordinary lives. we all want to be a part of the mile high club, and have the suits and the giant boardrooms, or just that time to sit and read a book. why is this achieveable by only some people? here are probably all the reasons you have given youself: -they were lucky -they were given better opportunities -they had a better education -they had more support -they did not have anything to lose am i right? THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS GIVEN MORE THAN ANOTHER PERSON ON THIS PLANET! people who have achieved something great, something that everyone wants have made it only because it was more than a want to them. its a driving obsession. when something fills you with such longing that you have no choice but to do whatever it takes but to achieve it, then you will stop being lazy. have you ever asked yourself this question? why is this happening to me? its because you are sitiing and asking that question instead of going out there and doing something about it! talk to the successful people and you will see the passion, that drive and that ambition burning more each day, not less with everything that they achieve. the reason they progress and become bigger better and best is because they do not EVER question why a failure happens to them. failure is just another stepping stone to success, take walt disney for example. he was thrown out of a newspaper for not being "creative and interesting enough", but then grew to be the owners of one of the most creative empires we know of till date. he could have given up, gotten a job somewhere else and been alright. then why did'nt he? PEOPLE WHO ARE SUCCESSFUL ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH ORDINARY LIVES! so if you do not want to be ordinary, dream big, work bigger and live the biggest life you can! "the tragedy in life does not lie in not reaching your goal. it is in having no goal to reach"-Benjamin E Mays --N